Thursday, April 22, 2010

The Future Isn't Now

When I was a kid I couldn't wait for "the Future." In movies and books the future was always shown to be a time of interest, whether it be a post-apocalyptic wasteland or a shiny, warp drive fueled paradise.  Guess what? It's 2010 which is basically the future, and life is still pretty much the same.  Movies and books lied to me, and even though we have lots of cool stuff and have made advances in many areas, I am still waiting for a few things that would make life so much better and more like the future of my dreams.


Back to the Future Part II led me to believe that by 2015 there would be hoverboards and sweet Nikes with power laces. I'm still tying my own shoes and not hovering around town- what the crap? Science has five years to get their act together or face some strongly worded emails from me.


I also naively thought that by now we'd be seeing some cities being constructed underwater or floating on the ocean. I was wrong, but I think with the way things are going we need to get going on some bubble cities because overpopulation is a real concern. Forget laws limiting offspring and contraception, build Atlantis already!


This one is a no-brainer.  There are fewer accidents in planes than in cars, so lets get some cars in the air- pronto. I know for a fact that most people in 1950 thought we'd have flying cars by 1975, but thanks to Watergate Nixon's flying car initiative never got off the ground. Get us flying, Obama!


I don't know about the rest of you, but I need someone to help me do my chores and errands. Clones are the answer, and I know you'll say "what about overpopulation?" To that I say, you can be vacationing in the underwater city while your clone is cleaning up your regular house.


Back to Back to the Future Part II. When are guys going to start wearing two ties? I'm ready, but apparently fashionistas aren't ready to make shirts with two collars. When they do, the future will have finally arrived.

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