Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Farewell, Brett (that's sarcasm)

So, apparently Brett Favre is retiring. I'm so sad. Boo hoo. I'd actually be sad though if he hadn't retired and unretired, retired and unretired so many times already. Dude, just make a decision and stick with it. Ordering pizza with Brett must be impossible. "I'll have Hawaiian. No actually I'll have cheese. I don't know though, that Hawaiian looked pretty good." Jesus.

I'm really happy, though that the Vikings are being held hostage by Favre's decision because of my deep dislike for them. Favre did this retirement tango for years with my beloved Packers until they finally grew the onions to tell him to go away and do it to another team. Indeed he did, and the Vikings seem perfectly happy to cater to Favre and his ego, even while his teammates are working hard at training camp, and the team's two other quarterbacks sit around wondering if this is more Favre bull plop or the real deal.

Do us all a favor, Brett, retire this time. Not because you torched the Packers twice last year, and not because ESPN will probably go out of business when all this speculation about you finally goes away, but because you have worn out your welcome. Some people say that Brett has earned the right to do this because of his many years of greatness, but I say- NO. Just like any indecisive person, he needs to be slapped for all this waffling. Be it retirement or pizza, eventually Brett will be forced to come to a decision, and it won't be his anymore. And by the way, we're getting pepperoni and olives- that's final.

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