Wednesday, March 16, 2011

St. Patrick's Day

One of my favorite holidays is National Drinking Day, or as it is also known, St. Patrick's day. I was actually supposed to be born on March 17th, but I was fashionably late and born on the 20th. Nevertheless, I have always felt a connection to the day of Shamrocks, Leprechauns and Guinness. Here now is the prescription for how to spend the perfect St. Patrick's Day.

7:00 AM- Wake up. Sneak to the shower and hope not to be pinched since you'll be naked while you bathe. I use a green towel just to protect myself from any opportunistic pinchers who want to get me on my way to and from the shower.

8:00 AM- Dressed in a generous amount of green (I look great in green, by the way) sit down for a big bowl of Lucky Charms...and a Guinness.

9:00 AM- Drive to work. Make sure that you've got some Clancy Brothers or Dubliners playing on the old car stereo.

10:00 AM- Pinch the crap out of any co-workers not wearing green. Kiss any good looking co-workers that have 'Kiss Me I'm Irish' buttons or shirts on. Probably not this guy.

11:00 AM- Have a potato for a snack and Google 'blarney.'

11:45 AM- Take an early lunch and go to a pub for some traditional Irish fare.

1:30 PM- Call in sick to work after a few pints of Guinness and a few shots of Jameson.

4:40 PM- Head home from the pub. Try to avoid fighting your brother-in-law as you make your way through town.

6:00 PM- Sit down to a nice plate of corned beef and cabbage and watch The Leprechaun, followed by Darby O'Gill and the Little People.

9:00 PM- Fall asleep mumbling some U2 lyrics.

If you're lucky you'll have a St. Patrick's Day to remember, just like this one.

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