Hey, you, Schmohawk!

Try as they might, people keep doing dumb/annoying/lame things and scream to be given Schmohawk status. I must oblige them and put them here for all to see and ridicule.

THE PEOPLE BEHIND SPIDER-MAN THE MUSICAL

Wow. I haven't heard such bad things about a musical since I ripped apart anything by Andrew Lloyd Webber. The Schmohawks behind Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark have taken forever to put together a ridiculously expensive worker's comp lawsuit set to the lameass music of Bono and The Edge. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should- oh wait, nevermind, they can't even get through one performance without some kind of snafu. Julie Taymor and the rest of her Schmohawk buddies need to try something a little less involved next time, like Hawkman.

CARL WIMMER

This Utah Representative, and first class Schmohawk sponsored a Bill to designate a state gun. The Browning M1911 pistol is now one of Utah's symbols along with the beehive and sugar beet. Did this guy miss that whole shooting rampage in Arizona a few months back? What a massive Schmohawk! I can't even put into words how off putting something like this is. The last thing we need is a state gun, but now thanks to Carl Wimmer we wasted precious hours on an inane piece of legislation, when there are sooooo many more important things that our elected officials should be worried about.

WEATHERMEN/WOMEN

I know predicting the weather isn't an exact science, but most of the time these Schmohawks can't even come close. Too many times this winter we were told to brace for "Snowmageddon"and then NOTHING HAPPENED! Yes, it's good to be prepared, but there is such a thing as going overboard. If I was wrong at my job as often as weather forecasters are, I would be fired. A tip for the weather people, just give us the 7 day forecast and we'll move on. With these guys and gals there's a 70% chance of Schmohawkery.

Why the BCS Sucks

I am like many who feel that the BCS is a huge joke that robs fans and college football teams of a real chance to win the national title. Imagine any other sport, professional or collegiate, that allows a biased and imperfect ranking system to determine which team is the National Champion. It wouldn't happen in the NFL, NBA or any other college sport. That is the main reason that the BCS system needs to go. It would be unthinkable to any sports fan for the NCAA March Madness Basketball Tournament to be done away with in favor of an arbitrary ranking system that allowed only two chosen teams to play for the championship. Anything is possible if there is a playoff, but instead we get whatever SEC team that wins the conference title, and a Big 12 or Pac 10 team in the BCS Championship, while other, possibly more deserving teams get relegated to lesser bowls. It still angers me that the great Utah team that beat mighty Alabama in the Sugar Bowl a few years back didn't get a chance to play for a title and wound up at number two at season's end.

The system is flawed beyond belief and even as those in favor of it try to make valid arguments for it, we all know the real reason why they want to keep the status quo. Money. Money is the driving force behind why we don't have a playoff in college football. The big automatic qualifying conferences want to keep it a closed shop so that they can line their pockets, but year after year the AQ conferences are challenged by the TCUs and Utahs and Boise States of the world, and a mockery is made of the precious BCS. You can't sit here and tell me any ACC or Big East team is better than either TCU or Boise State this year because they aren't. Unless the big time conferences get their act together and put some good football teams on the field, the argument for keeping the current format gets thinner every year.

I hope that eventually teams will have the opportunity to have a playoff and see who really is the best team in the country. For now, it seems we are left wondering whether or not we have seen the best matchups the NCAA has to offer. The almighty dollar rules the landscape, not the spirit of honest competition.

Favorite Salt Lake Places

I have lived in Salt Lake City my whole life, and as such I feel like I know it well. The city has its problems, like any city, but it also has some great local flavor. Here now are a few of my favorite hang outs/restaurants/bars/etc. in Salt Lake.

HIRES BIG H

There are three locations for this famous restaurant, but the definitive one is on 7th East and 4th South in Salt Lake. I have been eating at Hires since I was a kid, and have always loved it. Its really not very ballsy as a Salt Laker to say, "I love Hires" because, frankly, who doesn't? That is the point though, the fries, the onion rings, the frosty mugs of root beer and the Big H with that fabulous sauce are the stuff of Utah legend. The shakes and freezes are amazing too, in case you didn't already know.

THE PIE

Walk down the stairs and into the dark brick-walled pizza joint that has been feeding University of Utah students for decades, and you will be changed forever. Just like Hires, the Pie is an institution in Salt Lake. With pizza so cheesy that it makes cows cry, and pitchers of cola or beer on the table, its impossible to leave the Pie hungry or unsatisfied. While the pizza is great, the best thing is the Cheese Pull Apart with a side of ranch and marinara. Again, most people from Salt Lake will not be surprised by  my picking the Pie, but I don't care.

THE BAR X

Gone, but never forgotten, The Bar X was Salt Lake's greatest watering hole. Serving the coldest beer in town, it gained a steady following of regulars that were drawn to its no frills atmosphere and the transcendent "appetizer platter." We can only hope that when it re-opens it retains some of the dank magic that made it so great in its heyday.

PAC 12

Just like every other graduate and fan of the University of Utah, I was very pleased to see the Utes join the ranks of the PAC 10 Conference last week. Having been on hand for the Utes' two best football seasons ever, it was great validation for the hard work the athletic program has done to make our football team a national power. It is so nice to know that the next time the Utes go undefeated, they are more than likely going to be in the BCS Championship game because they are now a member of a BCS Conference.

With all that said, the BCS is still garbage and needs to be changed. I can solace myself, however, with the fact that in addition to usual rival, BYU, the Utes will have a much more interesting schedule- every year. USC, UCLA, Arizona State, Cal and Oregon will be filling Rice-Eccles Stadium with a better vibe than the likes of Mountain West opponents Colorado State and Wyoming ever could, and I mean no disrespect to those schools. Football is clearly the main focus of this blog entry, and the primary reason behind the invitation for Utah to join the PAC 10, but the move to the bigger conference has other effects as well.

The revenue that will be generated by the move will be beneficial for the school's athletic program, and all its teams, as well as the University of Utah's non-athletes. I hope that the money will get to all the programs at my alma mater that need it, and make the U a better institution overall. Also, there is a prestige that comes with being mentioned in the same breath with schools like Cal and Stanford that will hopefully make a diploma from Utah worth more to those who have one. I am really banking on this, by the way. I have always felt like the University of Utah was a very good, maybe even great, school, and this move to the PAC 10 simply reinforces the belief of many that the U is now in its rightful spot as one of the best universities in the western United States. GO UTES!